I have been waiting for these shoes to come in for months! It's the newest thing from Nike...the Lunarglide. They look very fast, yes? Even the name implies that gravity is obsolete. So, I slipped them on this morning to take them for a test run. I was flying! Soon enough about 2 1/2 miles into my run, gravity caught up with me...it looked a little like this, but I was not lucky enough to have helmet...
And now I am missing skin from my hands, knee, and I smacked my face on the asphalt hard enough to add another cheekbone. Who says running isn't a contact sport?
The worst part was that it was 6:30 in the morning, a bunch of high school kids waiting for the bus watched this all happen, and I had to run 2 1/2 miles back home with blood running down my hands, holding my bruised ribs. At least it was still darkish outside.
The ads for Match.com say that if you don't meet someone special in 6 months, you get 6 months free. I think that sounds like you will be punished for not selecting someone from one of the amazing options they keep sending you. Here is a small sampling of my matches this week.
What's with the helmet? What are you hiding? Is there a severe facial deformity, or do you just like to seem mysterious? Maybe you are challenging me to look beyond the physical to the person you are underneath a motorcycle jacket and helmet.
I don't know when this picture was taken, but that kid is probably 18 by now. I'm sure you don't need to protect him/her against internet predators anymore. And I have a rule against dating guys who show off more cleavage than I do.
I'm guessing you're going for the 'bad boy' look. That's a lot of head accessories. Oh yeah, and the cigarette hanging out of your mouth is very attractive. I specifically asked for non-smokers, so I'm not sure how you were selected as a match for me. Also...what is with you LDS guys that describe yourself as a social drinker or a smoker? I'm pretty sure the Word of Wisdom is applicable on days other than Sunday.
When I was 16, I worked at a little restaurant called Sam's Express. We also served Golden Swirl, or Spoon...whatever, frozen yogurt, so I got very good and making the swirly cups of yogurt. Anyway, one night, a kid, probably about 12, came in and asked, "Can I try the vanilla yogurt? And I'd like to try you for Saturday night." I had to give the kid credit for the line, although he only walked out with the yogurt and not my phone number like he'd been hoping for.
Anyway, if you are going out this weekend, and find a need to hit on someone...here's a few lines you can use. You're welcome.
"Are you wearing space pants? Because your rear is out of this world."
"Do you have a library card? Because I'm checking you out."
"Are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only 10 I see."
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."
"Got any raisins? No? Then how about a date?" (I love this one...it cracks me up.)
There you go...let me know if you have any good ones...or good stories about lines being used on you.
It's true. If you try to set me up with someone, I will feign nonchalance, and then race home and Google him. So, if you could, it would help if you would set me up with guys you know well enough to know their first and last names, and not just, "Ben, some guy that just sold me new tires." So, a very nice lady in my ward called me up to say she gave my number to a guy she knows. She told me his name, and a couple of other interesting facts that led me to believe I could find a photo online somewhere. Lest you think I do this for shallow reasons, let me clarify. I am not good at hiding reactions, good or bad. If he's not attractive, I tend to avoid eye contact so I don't lead him on, and if he's actually good-looking, I avoid eye contact so I can't tell if he's avoiding eye contact so as not to lead me on. So, I like to prepare for my date by pretending to look him (or his picture) in the eye. Hey...I didn't get asked on a date until I was 22...give me a break...dating is hard. So, imagine my disappointment when I looked the guy up, all the other guys on the site had photos, and I was left with this...
...I am no longer a subscriber on your site. Please stop sending me profiles of atheists who never want children and Buddhists who are looking for a lady to love. And please please please, stop sending me the winks from this guy (he goes by the screen name RM boy)...I know we are all children of God and deserve love in our lives, but I really can't see this working out for me.
Intriguing, right? I know everyone is curious because when I talk to anyone I haven't seen for a while, the first question is always, "Are you dating anyone?"...so I will give you the rundown of my dating life this summer. I'm not making any of this up.
*An 84-year old guy at the gym likes to take me out to lunch at the Golden Corral. If I let him, he would probably take me out to lunch every day, so far I'm trying to limit our outings to a couple of times a month. He also brings me yarn dogs and airplanes made out of soda cans. I'm not sure how to get out of this...it's a downward spiral.
*I was set up with a guy who sounded pretty nice, until he kept making suggestive comments about me wearing spandex once he heard that I road bike. Him: "You ever wear spandex on a date?" Me: "Well, I have gone biking on a date, but I've never just shown up in spandex, although my jeans do have a bit of stretch in them." Him: "We should go biking. You wear your spandex and ride in front of me." Me: "Um...that sounds nice? Do you have a bike?" Him: "No."
*My mom's friend wants me to meet her really good friend. Turns out...I already met him in my singles' ward about 7 years ago. He was kind of a jerk to "regular" girls then, had a policy about not dating girls in the ward, and even though I've been to his house, he has no idea who I am. I guess that explains his "40 & still single" status.
*At great persuasion, I tried out the Match.com for a month and kept getting messages from a Catholic guy who said I was "normal-looking". If that doesn't boost your self-esteem, I don't know what would.
*As the single adult representative in my ward, I often feel obligated to go to the firesides and such that they plan for the 31 and older crowd. Let me just say, that the "older" actually means 100 and these are the only people who come. If you walk into the foyer and there is a guy with a walker, you are in the right place. According to the Church, this is my niche. I found it.
I hope this answers all questions. I'm not dating anyone, but apparently I would date anyone. So, if you either have someone that you think would be fun for me to meet, or that you think would make a better blog story than my previous, oh, let's call them "dates", have provided. Let me know.
I have been waiting for these shoes to come in for months! It's the newest thing from Nike...the Lunarglide. They look very fast, yes? Even the name implies that gravity is obsolete. So, I slipped them on this morning to take them for a test run. I was flying! Soon enough about 2 1/2 miles into my run, gravity caught up with me...it looked a little like this, but I was not lucky enough to have helmet...
